We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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