why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
