So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
