she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
