if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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