does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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