Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
