I wanna passion pit in your ass
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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