Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
