Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
