some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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