Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
