The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize