wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you inspire me to be a worse person
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
