I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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