you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
