its not stalking. its research.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
