i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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