Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
