Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
