i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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