Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
