jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
