I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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