her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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