she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
