He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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