At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
