I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
