I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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