How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
