I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
