Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
