I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
