You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
