two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sex in a hospital.. check
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
