I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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