Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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