I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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