I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
