Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
