i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we should paint friendship bongs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
