In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
