you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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