I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
