He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
