If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
