he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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