If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
