is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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