the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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