Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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