I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
