i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
