I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize