moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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