Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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