Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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