i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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