My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
