I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
