i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
