Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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