I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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