What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize