i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
