My liver just broke up with me...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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