i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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