whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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