he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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