Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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