We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
