i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
