I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
