Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
