Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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