i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
