btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
