If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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