Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
