doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
