What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize