Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
