Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize