My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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