I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
