Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
