He kissed a someone with a penis
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
