2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
