The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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