she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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