How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize