i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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