He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
