Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
