Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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