Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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