Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
