i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
