New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize