you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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