Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
