Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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